It’s hard not to

I’m talking about how hard it is not to get all patriotic and involved and emotionally caught up in the olympics. I’ve found myself booing, cheering and shouting at the screen for Team GB. I’m not even a big sports fan it’s just difficult not to get drawn into it. It’s been really fun so far and we haven’t done too bad at all. I say ‘we’ like I’m actually part of the team and actually contribute something, which I don’t, but oh well it’s hard not to feel like part of it. 

Still got that persistent 18 year long cold and cough and it’s really getting on my nerves. This week I can’t get through a sentence without coughing my guts up. My body just obviously has it in for me. Doctors appointment made. Not like it’ll make a difference what so ever. No matter what they try it never works. Still got to go though right? Bleugh

I’m Really Not Sorry

I refuse to apologise for not posting. The main reason being I moved out of my house into a flat in the middle of nowhere. Haslingden. What even is that?! We didn’t have internet till just now and it’s only a pay as you go thing so I probably won’t be posting much anyway. It’s been horrible here. So far away form all my friends and everything I know. I just get to hear they’re having fun and going out and I’m just here on my own. I don’t blame them though I’d obviously do the same. I’m just angry that I’m so far away from it all. The bus even has to go on the motorway to get to Manchester :/ . I also forgot my teddy at home.

I’ll stop ranting and focus on the good. There’s plenty of new people to meet right? I get away from the hideous excuse of a mother. I get lots of alone time to think. There is a tv and the olympics are providing brilliant entertainment. I can get to tesco in like ten minutes. It could be much worse.

Reading The Girl Who Played With Fire right now. It’s really good so far. Need to go on a bookstore/library hunt as I’m feeling I will have finished it pretty soon. If you recommend any books like it I’d appreciate that loads. Recommend fifty shades however and I’ll slit your throat. No hard feelings. 

Hope you guys are all well because someone has to be.

Lost and Found

I’m currently at a loss for words to describe my last few days but I found two poems that I really love and thought I would share them so that I remember how much I like them when looking back at this in the future.

you are the rain

a girl at school
smells like purple
bubble gum,
like she took off
all her clothes
after being stuck
outside during
a thunderstorm
& if I could tell
her why her arms
are boss, why her
neck is boss, why
her hips are boss,
I imagine she would
bandage me softly
like winter.

you are a pharmacy

you have a hundred secret names & I am the world’s worst shoplifter.
you know what I mean? it’s like it’s 1992 & we’re so happy for cigarettes
& de la soul & lightning bugs & shit like that. sometimes I wish you knew
someone exactly like me who wasn’t so obsessed with your knuckles.
they make me hurt like alligator teeth. I want you to be all fists & bruises like
tiny sparrows on my face. I want you to be a handgun muzzled into my gut.

They’re both by Nate Slawson  and make me smile. Should I talk to this holiday fling I had who found me on Facebook or not? Should I move out of my house into a flat in the middle of nowhere with my dad to get away from my mum? Should I look harder for a job near my place now or wait till I know if I’m moving or not? Do the pink headings on my CV make me look childish and girly? Should I go to the doctors because the skin on my fingers is peeling for some unknown reason? Should I be worried that I have had a constant cold since I can remember and do something about it? Should I be nicer to people in general? Should I be less obsessed with Ben Howard and should I give up thinking there’s a chance he’ll marry me? Should I eat less bread and sweets and focus on salad?

All questions I can’t quite answer right now. Feel free to help me answer them. I’d appreciate it.